Son of Hillbilly Ham Part II                   swartamps.com

I was lucky last time. I didn't know this until now. I wish I had more photo documentation besides this harmless entry below, with Hillbilly Ham II smiling that "Luke Smile" as if alls well and things are as they're meant to be. Note to self, when Michael asks you to come over to help with some amp testing, and casually mentions taking a peak in the attic to see his Christmas Surprise, kindly decline while holding lower back, grabbing testicles, miming toothache, ANYTHING it takes to keep from ascending those steps.

What that swine is not telling you is how close I came to relieving my own bowels on the ancient attic ladder, this when met with Son of Hillbilly I, angry as a hornet on a tennis racquet, wanting to enact revenge for Papa Hillbilly's disappearance. Let's just say that Son of Hillbilly I did not have that Luke Smile. Son of Hillbilly I looked like Satan's Aunt Lucifus, angry about gas prices, the lack of victuals, and the loss of his beloved Papa.

I could go on and tell you about how I descended the ladder with calm élan, or lie some more about my cordial chat with Sir Swart, but we've got too many things going on around here for idle chatter. I've got NEWS to write, places to go, deals to make... Ok, maybe I don't want to desecrate the memory of Son of Hillbilly Ham: I am only praying he found his papa on 23rd Street. Actually, I'm praying to any God that will listen that Hillbilly Ham Senior was not close to Mrs. Hillbilly Ham. The mere vision gives me strange sensations down low.

I don't even want to think about it...

- kh